It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Today, my neighbor roared past me with a giant dump truck full of red dirt. Not really sure what is going on there. Our houses here are pretty far apart and even if you were inclined to hide behind trees and peer through the woods, it’s hard to make out what they’re doing. These are the Rambo neighbors who we’re all a little afraid of. Occasionally, their dog will steal all my dog’s food bowls, buckets, bags of fertilizer and anything else you leave outside. I never say anything about this because, well, you can’t get down there to complain due to said dog, and, anyway, eventually, in the middle of the night, someone stacks it all neatly on my back porch. I actually like these people because anytime one of our giant dogs die, which is ALWAYS when that guy who lives here sometimes is out of town, they bring over one of their many bulldozer things and dig a giant hole. You need to think about this whole inconvenient burial thing when you get a giant dog. Whenever one of them would die, my mom would say, “Now don’t get another big dog. It’s just too hard for you to take care of and, anyway, you’re gone too much to have another dog.” I would agree with her and then, in a few weeks, I’d call her and say, “I got a new puppy!” I don’t know why she even answered the phone. These neighbors look like boy scouts compared to the drug lord ones across the street. I don’t actually know they are drug lords, it’s just a rumor among the local firemen. And, just in case they are into cartoonist blogs, let me just say that they’re always nice to me and I am exceptionally nice to them. And, really, they could all just be pharmaceutical reps with guns and bandanas and I could use some pharmaceuticals since my good doctor retired. These new ones, well, let’s just say they give you worthless drugs. Yep. But, I digress. I gotta go round up some dog bowls and try to figure out what they’re burying next door. Be kind to your neighbor, lend them a helping hand or, maybe, a Xanax and a bulldozer. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. Would you be mine? Could you be mine?