If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me

Last week, I decided to bathe the dog in the lake, which turned out to be the most expensive dog bath on record. Yep. I had these new water short things that go over your bathing suit and because there were tons of people next door working on a house, I thought it would be a good plan to slip those on. It was not a good plan. Nope. Turns out, modesty doesn’t pay. Just go with that whole exhibitionist thing. 30 minutes into the dog bath, I realized I had my phone in my shorts pocket. I kinda panicked at this point. The dog was covered in soap and, given his inclination to just vacate the premises, I was reluctant to let go of him. After the world’s fastest rinse, I got out and propped the phone up on a chair in the sun. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe not. It was so bad. Half the people I know said to put it in a bag of rice. The other half said, no, that won’t work. It did not work. No, it did not. A couple of days later, I carried said phone to the Verizon store, after getting lost twice on the way due to the no GPS thing, and they said they couldn’t mess with it. They also shared the bad news that I had somehow failed to back my data up to the cloud. But, they cheerfully announced that I could get a newer, better model anyway for a mere zillion dollars. I was immediately in a bad mood. Took a Xanax and sulked for days. It’s weird being without a phone. It’s a little unsettling driving around, and weird running with no music. After losing all my contacts, I really couldn’t call anyone. It’s alarming how you don’t remember anyone’s number anymore. I am just waiting for people to call or text and I’m up to a whole five people now! So, if I never got back to you, well, I”m sorry. Blame the dog. He looks so much better now after his bath; like a million bucks or, a thousand, at least.