Dual Purpose Masks

Today, the phone rang the requisite three times before the answering machine picked up. I don’t know why I still have a land line, really, except that my cell phone doesn’t work too well in the house, the one place I really need it to. Anyways, I never answer, just listen, a practice foreign to extroverts, or so I’ve been told. This call was from the Sheriff’s Department, advising that there were two armed and dangerous criminals in the area. I think the addition of “dangerous” is somewhat redundant. One guy was 6’2 and the other guy was 5’5 and had on a white mask. I applaud his use of the mask. It’s important to obey the law while breaking the law. Yep. The message advised not to try and apprehend these guys yourself. No one would do that now, what with the whole social distancing thing. “Come with me, but stay six feet away, buddy.” It wasn’t long before helicopters were circling and cops were everywhere. The neighbors and I yelled back and forth from way more than six feet away about all the excitement. We are all pretty hoarse now and I question whether I am losing my hearing, since I spent most of my time yelling, “What?” Everybody gave their opinion on this whole stay at home thing and, of course, some were really for it and some really against. Isn’t that the way it always is? Eventually, I announced that I had to go and draw monkeys and everyone nodded like that was a perfectly normal thing to say. Hours later and I still don’t know if they ever apprehended these guys. Gonna turn the alarm on and lock myself in….helicopters over the house again (Another Snider line. Check’s in the mail, buddy).